How To Know If Your Marriage Will Survive
Mort Fertel, Author of Marriage
Do you know whether or not your marriage will make it? I can tell you
with near certainty.
Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage
If you had to pick ONE THING that best predicts whether or not your
marriage will succeed, what would you pick?
You might say “conflict.” If you fight a lot, then that’s
not a good sign, right? WRONG.
Would you believe that it’s the opposite?! That’s right;
research shows that the number one predictor of divorce is the habitual
AVOIDANCE of conflict. In other words, a couple who does NOT fight is
at the greatest risk for divorce.
A couple came to me for private phone sessions and I asked them what
was going on in their relationship.
“We never talk,” Kathy said.
“Why not,” I asked.
“Because we realized that that’s when we fight,”
Isn’t it ironic? We try to avoid conflict with our spouse for
the benefit of our relationship. But there’s nothing MORE damaging
to your marriage than NOT fighting.
Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is! Hate is close to love.
To hate someone, you have to CARE about them.
Did you ever feel hate for your mailman? How about the clerk at the
supermarket? You never hated them because you don’t care about
them. That’s the opposite of love.
But the closer you are to someone the more likely it is that you step
on each other’s toes. Hate is actually a sign of hope. It means
you care. It means you’re close. Apathy, on the other hand, is
cause for great concern.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advising you to go pick a fight
with your spouse. You can’t fight so that you’ll have a
good marriage. I didn’t say fighting is healthy. I said people
in healthy marriages fight.
In other words, the fact that you fight is a sign that deep down you
really love each other, that your relationship has potential. But if
you want to be happily married, you have to learn to fight WELL.
Successful couples know how to discuss their differences. This is not
something that comes naturally to anyone; it’s a learned skill.
And once you learn it, all the energy that goes into your fights propels
your relationship forward.
EVERY successful couple has areas of disagreement. No two people are
perfectly compatible. “Irreconcilable differences” are like
a bad knee or a chronic back—they’re part of every good
key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s
learning to fight well with the person you found. You’ll have
“irreconcilable differences” with anyone you pick. The question
is whether or not you can learn to discuss them.
If you’d like to learn how to discuss them as well as other marriage
renewal tips, then subscribe to my FREE
breakthrough report "7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage," a
FREE confidential marriage assessment, and FREE information
about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal.
Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness
is an innovative step-by-step relationship-changing system that
will save and restore your marriage. And the best news is —
you don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems,
or practice communication techniques. This is not marriage counseling;
it's Marriage Fitness! Subscribe to the FREE report "7
Secrets for Fixing Your Marriage."