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8 Steps to Create, Heal, Improve and Transform Your Relationships

 
 

Six Tips for a Lasting Relationship

by Marta Kagan
Small Business Coach, Life Coach & Motivational Speaker

Wondering what it takes to build a relationship that lasts a lifetime?

Try these six timeless tactics for keeping your romantic partnership on solid ground

• TIP 1: Dont' sweat the small stuff.

My mother used to tell me that the secret to a healthy marriage is to keep one ear and one eye closed at all times. I didn't quite understand what she meant by that when I was younger, but now it makes perfect sense: if you spend your time getting worked up about every little thing your partner does that isn't just the way you want it, you'll soon find yourself miserable -- and quite possibly single again.

Take the time to clearly and concretely identify what a successful partnership means to you - in writing! Share these with your partner - then make a point of focusing your energy on those things.

When you find yourself getting steamed about some trivial issue, try the tactic that's worked wonders around our household: remind yourself of what really matters, take a deep breath, and on the exhale, say "Yes, my love." (If that doesn't work, feel free to try the one eye/one ear closed thing).

• TIP 2: Set specific goals.

Around here we have a saying: "You can live your life by default, or you can live your life on purpose." Shouldn't your relationships be "on purpose" too?

Turn off the cruise-control and start putting a little muscle into this infinitely important aspect of your life. Ask yourself what your relationship would IDEALLY be like - imagine your fairy godmother is ready and willing to wave her magic wand!

Now ask yourself what it will take to make this ideal your reality. Set specific goals. Wake up each morning and ask yourself - what's one thing I can do today to step closer to my ideal? Even a few small steps in the right direction will make a noticeable, rewarding difference in your life

. • TIP 3: Take responsibility.

You can't control the way your partner acts in your relationship, but you can control how you react in negative situations.

Are you guilty of accusing your partner for "making you act that way"? Rubbish! You and only you are responsible for your actions, choices, and behaviors.

Instead of focusing on what he or she needs to change to improve your relationship, put your effort into working on YOUR issues. Take responsibility for your role in the deal!

• TIP 4: Work on your friendship.

The best relationships are based on much more than mutual attraction and a satisfying sex-life -- they're based on friendship. Mutual respect, shared interests, and the ability to really enjoy one another's company -- in and out of the bedroom -- are key factors to enduring relationship success.

Learn to be intimate with one another in non-sexual ways. Sharing your thoughts, memories, and [dare I say it?!] even your fears with one another and spending time doing the things you would do with your best pal are two great ways to enrich your relationship.

• TIP 5: Meet each others' needs.

"The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people," says relationship expert and licensed psychologist, Phil McGraw.

At least once a day, ask yourself what your partner might need in order to be happy -- a hug; a little encouragement; a small gesture of gratitude or appreciation; or just a little break to relax on their own! -- then do what you can to provide that for him/her.

Remind yourself that relationships are about giving, compromising, and sharing.

• TIP 6: Appreciate your differences.

It's easy to get stuck thinking, "I would NEVER do something like that!" in those frustrating moments when conflict occurs. Instead of wasting time wondering why your partner can't be more like you, shift your focus to her/his unique strengths and winning qualities.

He/she may be driving you crazy at this very moment, but this very moment is just a tiny snapshot in your greater lives. This same quality that's making your blood boil right now may be the very same quality that saves you from physical or emotional harm next week.

So give each other a break; give each other the benefit of the doubt; and most importantly, appreciate what makes you different. Remember that it's that 'yin and yang' that keeps it interesting in the long run anyway!

© lifeline coaching, llc

About the Author As New York City's most sought-after personal coach, Marta Kagan has helped thousands of professionals and entrepreneurs achieve more success, freedom, and fulfillment in their lives. To register for one of the limited FREE coaching sessions Marta offers each month – or to find out more about her innovative self-improvement products and services – go to http://www.lifelinecoaching.com

 

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