My belief is that most relationship problems should
be given less attention ... How much do you want to stir up the bottom
muck? A couple will be happier if they pay much more attention to
what is good about their relationship.
A romantic relationship happens because of the hopes
and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship
will be pleasant and rewarding as long as your attention is on what
inspires those hopes and dreams.
Nothing is perfect --
Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens
only in fairy tales. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Being
too concerned with the problems will stop you from paying enough attention
to what is good in the relationship.
If perfection is the goal, you will compare how the
relationship is now to what you think it should be. You will be continually
disappointed. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Love
happens by believing that both of you can continue to build a good
Your attitude should signal the other person that
you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings.
It won't be easy. Being tolerant and non-condemning is a challenge.
But consciously making an effort to be tolerant goes a long way.
Build upon what makes your relationship worthwhile
and wonderful -- Find activities that you both like and do them together.
These can be activities such as gardening, cooking, hobbies, conversation,
recreation, an interest in art, charity volunteering, and family activities.
Having interests that are shared, keeps a couple involved in each
Share ideas to find ways to more enjoy living. Tell
your sweetheart about strategies you use for such things as achieving
goals and enjoying yourself. Tell each other about what you think
is interesting, what is worthwhile, and what is encouraging. If you
share positive ideas, you will think of each other as pleasant and
Encourage your partner to act and make decisions.
Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support
and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, be patient. If you
need to criticize, offer an attractive alternative rather than a condemnation.
Your encouragement likely will produce more good results
than will your objections. The good things in life are much more important
than the disappointments. Remind yourselves often of the good in what
you are doing. And take some time to do what you enjoy.
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