The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to step on their
toes. And being married to someone certainly puts you in close quarters.
So the chances are good that you and your spouse have sore feet.
Okay, enough of the smelly metaphor. The point is that it's NORMAL
for you and your spouse to err and for those "misses" to cause
hurt…sometimes serious hurt.
Did your spouse hurt you? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse?
Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.
Except in the case of physical abuse, you can "move on" from
anything. In fact, your marriage can end up even BETTER!
I know…you're probably thinking, “Better? How could it
be better than before we screwed up?”
It CAN be better, but you have to do one thing first. You have to forgive.
What does it REALLY mean to forgive?
Many people will say, “I forgive you,” but continue to harbor
anger in their heart. Some people say the words, but it's obvious from
their actions that things are still different.
Other people will say “I forgive you” but what they really
mean is, “I don't want to talk about this. I can't deal with this.
I'm turning you off.” And so the 3 magic words come out and form
a wall that shuts out their spouse. True, they're not angry, but that's
because they've shut down all emotion and refuse to reconnect.
Saying “I forgive you” is an entirely different ball game
than truly forgiving.
Look carefully at the word “forgive.” It tells you what
it means. “For-Give”…in other words, to GIVE as you
That's true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did beFORE
you were hurt, then you know you’ve forgiven. When you stand as
close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got stepped on—that's
That's not easy to do. But it is possible. You can forgive each other
and move on. And once you forgive, you'll see that your marriage will
be BETTER than it was before. You'll be happy that the mistake was made
(in a strange way) because you'll realize that you would never have
achieved the love you finally did without that mistake as your catalyst.
Did you know that when a broken bone heals, it's stronger than it was
before it was broken? You too can be STRONGER than before things broke
down between you and your spouse.
Did you ever make love after a big fight? Did you ever think after
you made-up, “Hey, this is great?
should fight more often.” (Ha Ha) Sometimes the highest-highs
follow the lowest-lows.
you have to know how to reconcile. You have to know how to get to a
place of sincere forgiveness.
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