A Secret Women Know But Men Don't
By David DeAngelo
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely
familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very
attracted to a particular woman.
At first, she was just another attractive
woman... but the more he got to know her, the
more he began to feel attracted to her... and
the more time he spent with her, the more that
attraction grew into a deep emotional
attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and
stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.
Because he couldn't tell whether or not she
felt the same way towards him.
Sometimes she would say things like "You are
so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in
my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the
There was an occasional hug, an occasional
kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even
held his hand for a long time while he talked
about an emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn't acting like a woman that was
"falling in love". She was acting like a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a spiral
that amplified itself... and the more insecure he
became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing
things up" by kissing her or asking her to be
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less
time she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing
over this girl, the man finally arrived at the
conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT,
that she would feel the same way.
So he made a bold move.
He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he
would do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes
and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but
I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're
too important to me...".
This only confused the man more.
He didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but
that she was afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that
she was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything on
the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like
this anymore... he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much
he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step,
bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long,
long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn't reply.
He called her three times a day for almost a
week before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, and
said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have
to go"... and hung up...
...but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man tried
desperately to understand what went wrong... and
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not take
up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
And I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for
a great majority of men. A story that is timeless.
A story that resonates at a deep level because you
can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for
Because we've all been there in one way or
another... at one time or another... and many of
us have been there OFTEN in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story
a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs... as a result of the powerful
negative experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one really
They fascinate me because I see them as an
opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles
that they represent.
In this particular situation I think there is
And it lies in understanding a secret that
women know but MEN DON'T.
And that secret comes down to the reality that
if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his
attempts to confess his love, convince her to
like him, and court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK,
they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a man does
to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT
like him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotional
dedication actual cause the man feeling them to
do things that make her go away.
And I hope that by explaining the process of
how this happens to you I'll help you avoid this
painful situation in your own future...
THE "INSTANT EWWW"
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we
humans don't always understand the message that
we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to
communicate a message that others are going to
NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car
that has wheels on it that cost more than the
car itself... with his stereo blasting... and
a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound
of the 4-cylinder motor...?
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't
think that car is communicating the message to
women that he thinks it is"...?
Yea, I have too.
Well here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know how
you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then
it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling that like to
call the "Instant Ewww".
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the
physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into
Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will
start behaving differently.
In short, she'll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the
word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about
a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course,
these were guys that weren't loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man who
was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her
a gift or telling her how he feels?
Because if you think about it from HER
perspective, you'll realize that the moment a
you do something to "confess", you have created a
TURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel.
She already knew you wanted her.
She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and
talking about how you feel, you've created a
NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive
to women. And it does repel them.
You can't "make a woman like you" or "change
how she feels about you" by doing nice things for
Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't
attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse,
it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes
it so she'll NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in
life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to
them. They're doing it because they don't have
an understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you like
them, and you want to make them like you more...
and you do some nice thing for them, they will
probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic
way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you
do something nice for her because you want HER to
like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will
not only NOT like you more, she will most likely
distance herself from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate when
they like a woman... as if that's part of the
necessary process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern
yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you,
then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you
like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never
wants to be around you again...
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer is what to do if you're in a
situation where you like a particular girl, but
you don't know if she likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don't buy her a big gift and write a love
Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work
with a not that says "From your secret admirer".
Don't call her three times a day.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you,
KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you
learned on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than
HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she
feels... and if you don't know how to read and
create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she's interested in your
in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will
actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like
The SECOND answer is to not get into this
particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from
One does that by understanding the dynamics
of how and why women have the physical and
emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing
FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT
I thought you'd never ask...
The very best way to learn how to make women
feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a
copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.
I've spent several years now studying the
ways that men who are "naturals" communicate
using their words, voice tone, and body language
that makes them MAGNETIC to women.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY
man can learn it if he wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by
"trial and error". Many of the keys to making
women feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and
they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular
situation if you didn't know the SECRETS.
I'm telling you, this book will show you
the way. I guarantee that this program will
INSTANTLY change how you behave around women.
And it will start getting you results
In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address
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with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching
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inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things
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Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved.
David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks of David DeAngelo