DATING TIPS MAILBAG:
How To Tell If She's Single
By David DeAngelo
Answers To Two Common Questions...
I get different variations of two questions so often, that I'm going to address them both quickly.
1) What if she has a boyfriend?
Say "Next" and find yourself a woman that doesn't have a boyfriend. I personally don't think it's worth the hassle, energy, or effort. Plus, I don't like to be the guy that ruins relationships. And I personally don't like to date women who have no integrity (think about it). So just find a girl that's single... and chances are that someday soon the one you like will be single... and you'll be more attractive because you're dating other women.
2) I have this girl that's been a friend for 47 years, and how do I get her to feel attracted to me?
Start making fun of her more, tease her about things, and let her know the details about the women that you're dating. Call her less often, and MOST IMPORTANTLY... if you're planning on getting together with a friend, be ready to risk the relationship forever, as involvement often leads to problems which damage relationships for life. Much better in most cases to find someone new...
I have a question. There's this girl that I really like, and she tells me that she just wants to be friends, and I was just wondering, what can I do to make her change her mind?
This is a great question, and I get it a lot. I think of this as a much different question than the above, as it's usually something that can be fixed. Here's how: If most of the women that you meet are telling you that they want to be "just friends", then it means that YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING TO MAKE THEM ALL FEEL THAT WAY. The good news is that if you're doing something to make them feel that way, then you can start doing something different to make them feel ATTRACTED to you instead.
You're probably not going to be able to do much for the ones that are already telling you that they want to just "be friends", but here's what to do in the future:
STOP ACTING LIKE A "FRIEND" WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM!
If you act like a "nice, friendly guy" then a woman is NOT going to feel attracted to you. What do I mean by "nice" and "friendly"?
I mean don't give her too many compliments, don't act shy and don't smother her with attention. Don't call her every five minutes. Don't talk with a tentative, weak voice. Don't go far out of your way to be accommodating too early. Don't tell her that you have feelings for her before you've gotten intimate with her. DO tease her.
DO act Cocky & Funny around her. DO end phone conversations and meetings first. DO act a little bit too confident. DO use The Kiss Test early on in the relationship. DO speak with strength and confidence.
Are you with me?
If you're getting a common response from most of the women you meet, then the common denominator is YOU and the way you're acting. So keep working on it until you get the results you want.
I am a good looking athletic guy. When single I have never had trouble getting dates. I use the cocky, funny and mysterious rap. I have been in and out of a relationship with the same wonderful and challenging woman for nine (I know its ridiculous) years. I know that I want to spend my life with this woman, but she has lost her interest and me and says she thinks of me as a brother. She complains that I am not touchy feely enough, but then rejects me when I try to be so. I am so confused by what she says and what she means. I know that I lost my edge and she knows that I love her unconditionally. I know that she fell for the cocky guy and said that she wanted to turn me into a teddy bear. I tried unsuccessfully to do that for a while and now that I want to really do it and think that I actually could, she does not want it from me now.
My neediness and smothering have become a burden to her. But it seems unnatural and insincere to play games "hard to get" or try and make her jealous. Obviously, over nine years a lot has happened and there has been pain and growth on both sides. What can I do to both excite her and bring back the spark, but also love her honestly for myself and for her? I know she loves me, but how can I help her to fall in love with me. Please help me. I do not want to lose her.
First of all, remember that relationships are not logical, cause-and-effect situations that adhere to the laws of physics. Most often, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for what is happening (My goal is to help men to understand what's going on...).
If you've read my book and other newsletters, then you know that I believe that women usually SAY that they want one thing (a nice, stable, considerate guy) but that they are ATTRACTED to something else (a challenging, confident, funny, hard-to-get, unpredictable buy).
If you want her to be interested in you, then you should probably do a few things:
1) Stop calling her.
2) Start dating other women, and let her know about it.
3) Act Cocky & Funny when she calls you.
4) Play hard to get... end conversations first, don't call her back, etc.
5) Stop acting so nice and sensitive. I know that some of this stuff might sound like mind games, but you have a couple of choices: Be more interesting and become more attractive to her, or keep doing what you're doing, and keep making her run. I hope this helps.
How do you find out if a girl is available? You seem to talk to women that you just met. How and when do you find out if they have a boyfriend or a husband. If I knew how to get past this part I know I would buy your book."
Would you believe that one of my all-time very favorite questions is "Are you single?" If I'm interested in a girl, I'll just stop, look her in the eyes, and in a casual tone say "Are you single?" If she is, she says "yes", and if not, she says "no." Sure, a woman will sometimes lie, but it's such an unusual question, they usually answer honestly. If I get a yes, then I just say "Great, do you have email..." and go into the "3 Minute" technique you've read about in my book or other newsletters.
The key here is not to ask like you're afraid, nervous, etc. It has to come across like you're asking what time it is. Imagine that you're asking your best friend what time it is... what tone of voice would you use? It would be cool, casual, and straightforward. Try this one, you'll like it. Now go buy my book and learn what to do after you get the numbers!
***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***
Dear David D.,
You are right on (regarding how to completely turn a woman OFF). So tell me... if someone is smothering me, how can I turn HIM off?
I can't stand it. He's calling me pumpkin. He got to tell me he loves me, every five minutes (I don't respond). He's constantly in my face. He thinks I like it when he grabs me every five seconds (I'm disgusted!! And I say so!!!!!!!). He thinks he's moving to my new town with me (not invited - not even close). It somehow escapes him when I tell him, no.
He even insists on carrying my cell phone from car to door! He knows I hate it but he takes it right out of my hand because he believes he "should" do that for me.
I think he's intelligent enough, but a psycho when it comes to me. I have only known him six weeks and by the third day, he was asking me to move in (NOT).
My friends have told me to run. I would but he's perfectly fine except for the attention he pours on me. If there's something I could do to curb this, I would. He's not listening. I'm constantly plotting to avoid him because of this. He's driving me completely insane. I can't stand it. PLEASE HELP!!!
First of all, have him go to:
http://www.doubleyourdating.com and get a copy of my book. No, really.
I've included this because I want to make an important point: THIS GUY THINKS THAT HE'S BEING A PERFECT GENTLEMAN, AND THAT WHAT HE'S DOING SHOULD BE MAKING HER FEEL ATTRACTED TO HIM.
But because he's doing what makes logical sense instead of WHAT WORKS, he's causing this woman to feel repelled to the point where she's "constantly plotting to avoid him..."
Here's the recipe for success:
9 parts teasing, playing hard-to-get, acting Cocky & Funny, and 1 part being nice. If that doesn't work, decrease niceness to 1 part in 20.
In the beginning of a relationship, a woman is FAR more likely to feel ATTRACTED to you if you are NOT smothering her with attention.
As far as your situation is concerned, I would seriously tell this guy to get my book, and to stop acting like a wuss. Good luck.
I read your ebook and it's truly helped me very much. I've become more cocky and funny and from time to time I'll pattern or tell stories to add more dimensions. And it's worked very well.
But I have a question for you. I've observed that most, if not all, of my successes come unplanned or unexpected. The ones I've told myself to consciously work on all in some way ended in some disappointment. What's your take on this? And a more general question for you. What do you think to you are the key factors to success (meaning achieving a goal)? much thankx.
As far as success in general is concerned, read "Think And Grow Rich" by Hill. It's all in there.
As far as your successes coming "unplanned", I have some thoughts...
You mentioned that you're acting more Cocky & Funny in general. If you embody the qualities that are naturally attractive to women, then THE CONTENT DOESN'T MATTER. You can talk about anything, and it will work. I've found that I can make women feel attracted to me now just by teasing them and busting on them. I have women ask me out without them knowing ANYTHING about me...
You see, if you have an agenda, other people can usually sense it. They pick it up in your subtle body language.
When you're teasing and acting Cocky & Funny, a woman says to herself "This guy obviously isn't just trying to pick up on me, because he'd never say some of these things if he were..."
And the more you do it, the more fun it becomes, and the more you don't have an agenda... and the more attractive you become. Keep up the good work.
And remember: Be ATTRACTIVE, NOT JUST INTERESTING.
***COMEDY EMAIL OF THE WEEK,
hey David I love what you do to help all of us guys out there your the best and I would like to share a success story well see I have a girlfriend who I am going out with and I admit I am a player and I can get alot of girls but its mostly from your help that I am so successful see this girlfriend of mine I have broken up with her three times and she keeps coming back to me and I like her and I dont want to break up with her but by doing so she gets scared and realizes what she has lost and I take her back but one time when I broke up with her and I got this thing where I can kinda read chicks minds and I know what they want and I knew she wanted to kiss me so I did the kiss test, after awhile she said you know thats a turn on then I said really I kept looking into her eyes and saw her looking at my lips so I grabed and I kissed her thanks for your help but I also need your help with something else there is a girl at my school who is really hot but she is like two years older then me... I notice that she glances at me alot... but I dont know what to do and how to talk to her cause... shes always talking to her friends or shes with them and I cant go up then cause shes busy and she is the only one girl I cant get, what do I need to do my friend said I should look deep into her eyes and give her alittle smile while I walk past her but I need to know if thats a good Idea cause I dont want to mess up and not get her so please help me out thanks man your the best...
Go to English class more... I had to stop reading and take nine breaths while editing your question! lol...
OK, if I were you, I'd walk up to her and say:
"Hey, I don't have time to talk, but do you have email?"
If she says yes, then get it, and email her this:
"Hey, what up? I've heard that you're cool, and I think that we should be friends. Write back."
Then tease her a lot... she'll love it.
If that doesn't work, then write me another 25 line sentence and I'll see what I can do.
I am not tall and I am not short. I'm 5' 7" with an athletic build. Sometimes I see women whom I consider very attractive that are taller than me. From my past history I have noticed that MOST women do not want to date men shorter than themselves. In many cases women want to date men considerably taller than themselves, taller than I am.
Is there some strategy to getting past the height thing. I know confidence can conquer almost all but I have been turned away so many times by a taller woman that I don't even try anymore. I am not attracted only to taller women, I just come across some, just like any other woman, I would like to get to know and possibly ask for a date.
This is a great question! Here are my thoughts...
I have a friend that is about 5'5, and he is ALWAYS surrounded by hot women... he even has a reputation as being the guy that always has ten hot women with him every time he's out.
I am currently dating a woman that is taller than me (she's the single most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life, and yes, she usually prefers taller men).
I also have another friend who's about 5'6 or so that only dates models and women who look like models (and yes, they are often taller than him).
What's the deal?
Here's what I think you should do: Make it her problem instead of yours.
If I meet a tall woman that I think is attractive, I will immediately take the mindset "I don't usually like women that are taller than me, but I'll make an exception for this one."
Then I figure out how to communicate this to her...
I might start talking to her, then say "Well, at first I wasn't going to come over and talk to you because I don't usually date women who are taller than me... but I'm glad that I talked to you, because you're fun..."
YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S MAKING THE EXCEPTION! Or, if you want to really give her a hard time, you could make her laugh and have fun with her, then say "Well, it's really too bad you're so tall..." then give her a hard time and mention how if she were only a few inches shorter you'd ask her out...
Are you with me? Don't imagine limitations for yourself, and don't let her limitations be yours.
And if you're reading this and saying "Well, this isn't my problem", realize that this can be used in ANY situation where you think that a woman has a certain "type" that she's attracted to....
And by the way... if you're reading this right now and you REALLY get a world-class, complete education in how to attract women, then I'd recommend you invest in my eBook, Double Your Dating, and sign up for my free Dating Tips Newsletter. In them, I explain the most advanced concepts available anywhere in the world on meeting and dating women.
If it's time that you got this area of your life handled, then these are the tools that will help you do it. Just go to:
David DeAngelo is the
author of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should
Know About How To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men
how to be more successful with women and dating.
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.