Dating Tips Q&A:
How To Act On The First Date
By David DeAngelo
***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***
"How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about?
How do you keep the conversation interesting?"
These are all questions that I get asked often in one way or another,
and in this dating tip I'd like to address this topic.
The first thing to remember when you're meeting up with a girl for
"a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.
You're not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don't act like
It's so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a
couple that's obviously out on their first date... and the guy has no
idea what to do.
It sounds like this:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"
Why is it that people tend to act like they're on job interviews when
they go out on dates?
It's just such the not-right thing to do.
I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about
how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.
Here's a good rule of thumb:
ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS
LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL
And why is this?
Good question. And I'm glad you asked.
First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn
to these ultra-boring topics...
Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of "I don't
want to screw this up".
In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say
anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who love mom,
have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner,
and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore
women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a
kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner).
I don't know where this concept came from, but it's just not a very
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE
Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humor, mystery...
COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy.
So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you're going
to have to learn a new way.
You're going to have to learn to talk about something else.
The trick to not talking about the "usual" things is to know
how to make conversation INTERESTING.
Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in
Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of
the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:
"So what's with The Osbournes being MTV's #1 show of all time? I
guess people just can't get enough of dysfunctional family life...
they have to watch it on TV too."
"I'm so bummed that J-Lo and Ben are on the rocks. They were so
damn cute together. I was hoping that they'd have a daughter with
perfect hair and a bedonka donk butt from birth."
"Have you tuned into this "Cheaters" TV show? Don't you
just love it when they come storming into someone's house and catch
the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?"
These topics will light up a conversation like nobody's business. And
they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while
talking about the misfortunes and neurotic behavior of others.
The trick is that you must remember you're not there to impress her,
and you're not on a job interview.
The more you act nervous, stilted, and uncomfortable...like you're
trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don't want
to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely
you are to trigger that all- important ATTRACTION inside of her.
And here's a real twist on this theme:
If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about school,
job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say
"What, is this a job interview?"
Or "Can't you think of something interesting to talk about?
Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation.
Let's save that until we're picking names for our kids."
Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:
1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If
you're in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the
area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if
the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.
2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try
learning a little about fashion, this way you can make fun of it while
acting like you know what you're talking about. "Didn't Madonna
really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake
cowboy look thing?"
3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild
perspective on others. "You know, I've been trying to figure out
why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone.
I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys
on the radio." This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING.
The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job interview rap just doesn't
Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just talked about will make
sense, but they won't come naturally.
That's OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if
you've spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing.
Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong road you've gone,
So remember, attraction isn't a choice. And attraction doesn't make
logical sense. If you want to create that magical
"chemistry", then you're going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE
...and if you'd like to learn DOZENS of great ideas on how to meet,
attract, date, and get physical with women, I recommend that you
download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating," and
sign up for my free Dating Tips Newsletter. Just go do:
Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download
David DeAngelo is the
author of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should
Know About How To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men
how to be more successful with women and dating.
2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo"
and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications