Attraction" With A Man
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to
know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more
time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional
attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew
more and more insecure.
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe
that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past
the "friendship" stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him...
and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional,
and invited her "inside" for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who was "falling in love". He was acting
like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and
talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified
itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of
"screwing things up" or "scaring him off", by starting conversations or
asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to
spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally
arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would
feel the same way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her,
and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn't really
"available" to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let
him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had
to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with
him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him
a letter... again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical
level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, "I'll try to give you
a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... but she never got a call
Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what
went wrong... and what happened.
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that
is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one
time or another... and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the
powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful
negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND
and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to
a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like
her and court her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man
LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause
the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating
situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware
of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you,
that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better,
if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to,
desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his
pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and
how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand
the message that we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that
others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way
to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don't think that her appearance
is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is"...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a man know how you feel" ... but he isn't
open to the situation at that time, or he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then
it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the "Instant
The "Instant Ewww" is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the "Instant Ewww", he'll start behaving differently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww", when describing
how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... and of course,
these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be "nice" about it. They let the attention pump up their
ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in
their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any ATTRACTION
and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the "Instant Ewww"?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice...
a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you'll realize that
the moment you do something to "confess", you've created a TURNING POINT
in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some "special attention" from a
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel,
you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him
even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't "make a man like you" or "change how he feels about you", by
doing nice things for him.
Doing "nice" things for a man who isn't attracted to you, HURTS you. It
backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling, that makes it
so he'll perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing
what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an
understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them
like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably
like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you "like" in a romantic way, and he doesn't "feel
it" for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to
like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not only NOT like you more,
but he will most likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man...
as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't
already ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the "Instant
Ewwws" and withdraws...
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like
a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think
about him or write him a love letter...
Don't send him a note to his work that says, "From your secret admirer".
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM
and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing
the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to
find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create
those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are
"his type", will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and
interest in you will grow.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the
FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the
physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make
man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men "stuff", I also talk
about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play
into the longer term "stuff" around dating, and creating a solid foundation
for a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets
and truths that lots of women will never know about.
The eBook is called "Catch Him And Keep Him".
I've spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who
are "naturals", communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And
you probably know what I'm talking about, if you know any women who seem
"lucky in love". Where everything involving men seems to come easily and
effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she
But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the
keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term
aren't "obvious", at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd
do in a particular situation, if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
ęCopyright 2006, Catch Him
Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
"Catch Him And Keep Him" and "Christian Carter"
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.